Category Archives: humor

I Dream of Pieces

Okay so it’s been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened to me since then.. but why hear about that when you could just see my puzzles.

kentucky derby 1000 puzzle

It all started with some good old horse betting. This puzzle took a night or so, in which I analyzed the social hierarchy at the Kentucky Derby in 1924. While puzzling I think I listened to Lana Del Ray’s Off to the Races 1000 times and can tell you that the races Lana goes to are much sluttier than this one.

Then I went home for Christmas break and did this little gem:

springbok christmas 1000 puzzle

All of these were the simple compared to this horrid creature:

very berry nice eaton puzzle

That puzzle was only 500 pieces and entitled “Very Berry Nice”. I would like to rename the puzzle “Enough Berries That You Throw Up”

If you are sick of all these puzzle posts.. that makes sense. But I probably won’t stop.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under conversation, humor, photo

The Aroma of Italy

1000 piece puzzle

I buy my puzzles at yard sales, flea markets, and Salvation Armies, so I start every puzzle knowing that the person who originally bought it is most likely dead. I have never thought that more than with the puzzle above. When I opened it up it smelled like rotting red wine. That didn’t stop me from finishing it, but I did use half a bottle of perfume to disguise the dreadful scent.

In better news the puzzle I just opened up smells like cardboard!

Leave a comment

Filed under conversation, humor, photo

Back to December… 1st when it snowed

Last weekend was the first snow of the season on the first day of December. To welcome in the weather I went on a long walk and took a couple photos. Keep in mind to take all of these photos I had to pull out my phone and take off my gloves (damn thermal touch technology!) That’s what I call commitment.

first snow IMG_0725 IMG_0727

Embarrassingly when I got back inside and I saw the falling snow outside I just thought of Taylor Swift’s Back to December music video:

TSwift’s relationships are so emotional that it snows inside. Not everyone can say that.

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, photo, video

A New Kind of Board Game

Coming soon to Hasbro: Autopsy!

Leave a comment

Filed under design, humor

I Felt Like Lovecraft in Brooklyn

Last weekend I went to Brooklyn for an amazing Mountain Goats concert. It was super good.

Here is the setlist from the concert. It was an amazing collection and between all the songs John Darnielle explained where he was coming from. It gave me a whole new appreciation for his new album Transcendental Youth, which you can stream for free from Rolling Stone.

In other NYC news: I ate a falafel (and dropped a lot of it on myself) right outside of the Comedy Cellar. I imagined Louis CK coming by with a slice of pizza. We would stare into each other eyes and eat together forever. But that didn’t happen.

2 Comments

Filed under conversation, humor, music, television

Romney Night Lights

Like any good American I watched Friday Night Lights. It taught me a lot: what football is, that Taylor Kitsch is very good looking, and where babies come from.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one to be informed and transformed by the show on Texas high school football.

Mitt Romney made his facebook cover photo the motto of the Dillon Panthers, “Clear Eyes. Full Heart. Can’t Lose!” (I have no idea if that is the back of Romney’s head or of Coach Eric Taylor. Either way, it’s extremely square.)

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, television

5 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from Vampires and Werewolves

Did you know nearly every confession in the history of the world has started with the statement, “I was on Netflix and…” Well, here mine goes: I was on Netflix and I’ve started watching The Vampire Diaries. That’s really only half the confession. The other half is I’ve been watching Teen Wolf since it came out last summer.

But it’s not my fault. They just know the formula too well:

Drama + Attractive People + Dangerous Mutations = Kendra’s Dream TV

Well, here are the five life lessons (they are mostly dating tips, but still) that I’ve learned from Teen Wolf and the Vampire Diaries:

1. Your boyfriend is probably a stalker if… a) he finds out where you live. b) he sits outside your window while you sleep for “protection.” c) he knew that you were adopted, before you knew that you were adopted.

2. Before you move into a new town check how many people work for animal control. If they offer 24 hour service you should NOT move there.

3. If you think you have met the love of your life and it turns out they are supernatural, leave them. You haven’t been to college yet. Once you take a few classes in women’s studies you will understand that maybe he is controlling and the fact that he could eat you is feeding into larger issues not just in your relationship, but in the overall pattern of a patriarchal society.

4. Don’t run into situations like you’re special. You aren’t. Maybe instead you should stay at home with a good book and a cup of tea and do what humans do best: avoid issues, be lazy, and forget about the people you’ve fucked over.

5. Silent and brooding can be sexy, but it also might be a trap. Sometimes when people are quiet it means they’re shy, but still have important things to say. And sometimes it means they’re stupid.

With these life lessons under my belt I’m considering making my own tv show about a Faun who has to keep his goat feet a secret from everyone, including the love of his life. (She’ll never go to prom with him if she knows about his heavy hooves!)

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, television

The First Day of My Life: A Deep Sad Look

So I was planning on making a joke on here. Something along the lines of “My mom just bought Badminton rackets and this song played in my head when I saw them.”

..but then I rewatched the video and I brought it to a much darker place.

I have a feeling that very few of those couples are still together. And I bet during their break ups them being in that video made the whole thing a lot harder. One member of each of those couples is still watching that video over and over again with a pint of chunky monkey, while the other is always trying to convince their new partner that the video meant nothing to them. But who knows maybe some of those couples are still trotting along.

I really would love for this to be researched further. So internet, if you know someone in that video… tell me their relationship status cause I am feeling pretty confident about this.

1 Comment

Filed under audio, humor, music, video

A Weekend in a Valley

I spent this weekend visiting my friend Katrina in Amherst. It was super fun… and as hot as the complete opposite of freezing. We ate more ice pops than any human has a right to. Here are a few photos from the weekend:

Someone’s in the kitchen with dumplings.

A vintage carrying case that I got at the Brimfield Antique Show. I am planning on turning this into a crafting case (photos may follow if all goes well). I also got shorts and a dress and Katrina found some good looking opera glasses.

Katrina took this picture of eggplants while we were at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday. As you can see the eggplants are sort of breaking a sweat, as was I.

After I turned into a total heat zombie we went to Puffer’s Pond, which I believe saved my life.

A couple more notes on the weekend: Honey butter is what the gods put on their crescent rolls. Bring a water bottle everywhere, cause you could die without it. That’s what I call a weekend.

1 Comment

Filed under humor, photo, photo diary

Good News, Everyone! My Trip to Berlin!

I am back. And this is an honest, “I’m back” not an absent father’s “I’m here right now, so enjoy it cause you might not see me for three months.”

Well I know I never ended up posting my photos from Berlin, so sorry for the cliffhanger (remember that neopets game cliffhanger?) Here they are with bonus commentary because these are more than a month overdue:

A beautiful canal with restaurants that double as clubs on the side.

Gorlitzer Park, which was right near the amazing hostel I stayed at, JetPak Berlin.

A pretty canal near Berlin Cathedral.

Bode Museum, which was joked to be the Boredom Museum. They apparently have a very extensive coin collection. Before I went I had seen this beautiful photo on pinterest of it.

This is just a playground, but they made it super cool by just adding paint and immense amounts of talent.

Ada and I spent a lot of time rocking the Flea Markets. We got these delicious tarts at one and then sat on a river and ate them.

We were in search of a beach and saw a ferry running, so we hopped on. We ended up on Pfaueninsel, translating to Peacock Island. We saw a lot of peacocks, but sadly didn’t find a beach there. Also, turns out I am sort terrified of gigantic colorful birds. Now we know.

This is the beach we ended up at. This was the only day of my two weeks in Berlin that it was remotely cloudy.

This is 4am in Berlin, with some nice street art in view.

One of my favorite panels of the East Side Gallery.

Tacheles the super cool artist gallery/ squat spot which was full of amazing art.

Ada and I popped by a cultural fair thing. We ended up walking by this super fun band, Orchestre Miniature in the Park, for short OMP. They only sing songs that have to do with the sun. Check out OMP’s soundcloud, my favorite is ‘All Summer Long’ closely followed by ‘Komm Raus Zum Spielen’.

My last day, Ada and I met up at this restaurant Nest. The sandwiches were delicious, but the waitress thought we were idiots.

After yummy food, I rented a bike and we biked to this cool abandoned amusement park, Spreepark. We had to climb through a wire fence (I felt like a badass and have a scar to prove it) Here is a strange Charlie Chaplin-esque bumper car thing. Those things were all over the place in a creepy The Great Dictator way.

There was a full waterpark, filling all East-Berliners needs for Log Flumes.

This was a railroad that went all around the entire park, as well as over this very unclean pond and into a very scary looking tunnel. Wish we could have stayed there longer, but we were found by a guard and he walked us out. In walking us out he ended up showing us most of the park, so there were some positives.

So there it is, my trip to Berlin. If you are considering going to Berlin, do it. I think it is one of the most amazing cities. I also found the blog She Thought Outside the Box very helpful for knowing what flea markets and parks to get at while you’re there.

There is tons of stuff I am forgetting to mention so feel free to comment and say, “Hey Kendra, what about the Ping Pong club?” and I will respond saying, “Yeah it was really cool.” and probably add some more details.

2 Comments

Filed under conversation, humor, photo, photo diary